Ray of Hope
by speedofloveSK
Summary: "There was something about her, he couldn't put a finger on it but it pulled at him and the very same words kept flashing before his eyes. - Help her." AU from the start but takes place here after Knockout.
1. Early Night Encounter

_What you need to know : Flowers for your grave never happened, however Beckett kept working her mother's case on her own and with an occasional help of the boys. This is basically an AU from after Knockout and she got shot, that hasn't changed. This happens while she is at her father's cabin. Odds are, she is not the only one. _

**_Ray of hope_**

_Early Night Encounter._

The sun was only now beginning to set, slightly hidden by some stubborn angry clouds giving the sky a darkened and felted shade of pink and paled orange. The woods would have been plunged into darkness if it weren't for the dreamy and cozy light from the sky, just as he liked it. He loved to wander around in the woods best just before night fell and early in the morning just as the first sunbeams began to break through the thick trees and groves. He didn't know how to explain it, but there was something about the tingling fresh air that made his hair prickle along his neck, the silence so loud, it overwhelmed him. He was alone and yet he felt anything but lonely, everything around him was alive; a constant breeze keeping the heavy vegetation moving as if graciously dancing and teasing each other and if he really paid attention he could hear some low rumbles and swarming from the crawling and omnipresent organisms. That's what he loved so much in being here; he was not alone. He didn't _feel _alone. It was always so vibrant with energy, making his own buzz.

He had decided to walk farther down tonight, and he shouldn't, really, it was so easy to get lost in here. But he had been here for weeks already and he was tired of walking around the same spot where everything was the same, he knew there was a lake somewhere at the south of the woods. Hopefully he would encounter some other habitations in case he really did get lost – something he wasn't sure of as he had never seen anyone near or around his own cabin.

A couple of minutes later, he finally faced a dark stretch of water, partially flat, only perturbed by the increasing wind scraping at the surface in gentle waves and the occasional flop of fishes, drawing rings here or there. It truly was a beautiful and breathtaking sight. He let his eyes sweep around at how the lake was circled by insanely high and now dark trees, and he thought he could see a pontoon where water met earth. As he kept observing he noticed a shadow he swore he had seen move, it was now getting dark really fast and he couldn't say what it was from where he was, it only looked like a mass just at the edge of the left side of the wooden pontoon.

Ah, what the hell. At worst, it would be a bear and he could jump into the water, right?

_Do bears swim?_

He shrugged as he slowly approached the shadow and as his feet made contact with the moist wood cracking under him, he saw the dark mass materialize before him and he was now able to say that it was not a wild and angry long-legged bear but someone - a woman – just sitting there, knees pressed and raised against her torso, arms wrapped around them. He was just standing here, surprised she hadn't heard him and so, he cleared his throat rather loudly and he saw her slender figure violently flinch, her legs falling before her and hanging above the water, the tip of her – what seemed to be – running shoes barely grazing the water, and before he had time to say anything she got up in a flash reminding him of a wild and scared animal. She kept walking backward while he stood still and oh-

"Wait, stop!" He shouted almost unconsciously as she got dangerously closer to the edge.

The woman froze abruptly, her body wobbling slightly, and for a long minute, no movement, no sound was heard except for the noisy nocturnal wildlife and the delicate splashing of the water against the wood.

"Are you alright?" He asked tentatively as he took a step forward until she stopped him.

"Stay- Stay right where you are. Please, just- just go, okay?"

His eyebrows shot up incredulously as he tried to make sense of what she'd said. Well, no. What she'd said wasn't the problem. Her _voice_ was. He could still hear it in his head, the strong quivering and cracking that had seemed to make it hard for her to keep talking as if she was losing it, _pleading_.

He was more often than not accused of putting his nose where he shouldn't but he really didn't have the heart to let her be after hearing her speak.

"Hey, look. I'm not going to hurt you. I just happen to have a cabin a couple of miles from here and I- Well, ended up... here." He did his best to sound random and make her at ease but she kept flinching and something wasn't _right_ with her.

"You should go," He heard her respond harshly but not snapping at him as she wrapped her arms around herself tightly, building defenses.

_Nice to meet you too, neighbor._

"I probably should. So should you. It's ridiculously dark and cold here and you're shaking, I can tell."

_I just don't know if the cold is the reason why you're shaking._

"Why do you _care_? Can't you just go and leave me alone?" She now snapped at him for real, not without a hint of desperation, her low and stern voice making it hard for him to swallow.

_Who are you?_

"If I go, will you?" He heard her snort, her face angling to face their surroundings and couldn't help but smile softly at the sound. Oh, she was annoyed, alright. Better than scared and angry though, right?

"Seriously, now?" She threw at him sharply as she appeared to walk toward him but stood her ground still quite far from him. However, she was now close enough for him to see how tense she looked. "I don't know who you think you are and who you think _I am _but I'm not a child and I don't need your _help_, I don't even know you, so you might want to go now. You don't want to stay out in the woods too late."

He gaped at her, opening and closing his mouth several times, trying to come up with something but she had made him speechless. It would have been seriously hot if she hadn't sounded so weak, her words -even though clear and firm- dragged out with some kind of weariness. Whatever her problem was, she did need help. He couldn't see her, not really, just the shape of her tall and thin body but he could see her shaking from time to time or her, ever so slightly retreating again when he made a move. That was certainly not being okay. But pushing was clearly not the solution, he would go. He would just come back tomorrow.

* * *

><p>She woke up the moment her room got warmer as the strong sunlight broke easily through her curtains, giving the room a bright yellowish tint. She rolled in the bed, the mattress softly bouncing under her weight, to hide her face into her pillow and <em>why<em> did her father refuse to change the curtains for shutters? She hadn't be able to fall asleep before the early hours, her mind racing after her earlier encounter with- Who even had that been? She didn't remember her father informing her about a new "neighbor" recently, or ever and that had freaked the shit out of her. She had come here because she needed to be alone, needed an escape from the loudness of the city, needed to forget all those pitying looks all of her friends at the 12th had given her. She wasn't _dead. _She didn't need pity, and she didn't want it. She didn't like to know someone could be wandering around. It made her mind see things that weren't there, hear noises she was used to and yet made her heart race and her eyes scan the room. Recovering. She was just recovering and her brain only tried to protect her, right? She perhaps was uselessly and too easily overstimulated but that wasn't all bad if something actually happened. She didn't need help. She just needed time and space to heal and she would be fine.

She would be just great. As much as the circumstances would let her.

* * *

><p>He was dressed in casual grey jeans and a dark blue v-neck t-shirt when he ventured once again in the blooming woods trying to trace back his last steps to the south and toward the lake. It was a little after eleven and the heat mingled with humidity was already overpowering, making him regret not trying to come back later in the afternoon but that hadn't ended well the day before, had it ? He was grateful the trees still offered a great coating above his head, enough to only allow shiny and vivid rays of light to come through here and there, connecting sky to earth and adding a sense of mystery to the place. It was strangely silent at this time of the day, compared to how full of life it seemed to be at night, all he could hear was the perky and tuneful sound of birds high above, still nice enough.<p>

And as he nonchalantly kept walking, a large cabin slightly similar to his own came into his view and he sped up towards it but froze when he faced a window. The curtains prevented him from seeing inside very well but nonetheless he was able to picture a figure - _her _figure he had no doubt - sitting at the edge of the bed. She had her back to him, bent forward and her shoulders were slumped over with her head tilted down and her hands forcefully gripping at the sheets.

He hadn't been wrong. She looked as worn down as she had the night before and it made his heart ache for her. He didn't know why he reacted so strongly but he knew one thing, he couldn't just wipe off this image from his mind and turn back to his cabin. There was something about her, he couldn't put a finger on it but it pulled at him and the very same words kept flashing before his eyes.

_Help her._

* * *

><p><strong>This will be a multi-chapters, probably not too long because it will be just about her stay at her father's cabin (except if I feel like it needs more) and how she will (or won't) let Castle in when she's at her worst and obviously doesn't know him. ( minus the author thing ).<br>**

**It might have been done already but it came to me yesterday and I had to write it down, I prefer to share it rather than delete it so, yeah. **

**For those who read my other fic, it will be updated soon, it's written and on its way to be corrected. **

**I'm not sure when this one will get an update, I do have days off this week, so we'll see. **

**_Twitter : speedofloveSK_**


	2. Kate

_Thanks for the follows, guys. _

**_Ray of Hope_**

_Kate._

He had waited for her to leave the room before moving himself to her door taking in a deep inhalation, feeling it fill his lungs and puff his chest before letting it all go out, trying to gain and gather some self-assurance. He had not forgotten how she had literally thrown him away the night before and he knew she was more likely to ignore him than not and he had not found a plan b, _yet._ That would come when -_if-_ needed and if not he would just improvise, it worked with the writing. She perhaps might had been unsettled by him just because it was getting dark and it was not a common thing to run into someone over here. No big deal. But even as he thought about that once again, it didn't explain such a strong reaction, he had not lifted a gun to her head, after all.

He briefly shook his head, putting those thoughts aside and raised a fist to the door, knocking firmly, the wood letting out a hollow sound. He hid both his hands in his pockets, swinging casually on his feet as he waited on her, his eyebrows drawn in serious straight lines, trying to hear through the door.

* * *

><p>Rolling back to face the ceiling, she reluctantly flung her legs out of her bed and her whole body went still and froze once she sat at the edge of her bed. She felt her breaths hitch and an oppressive weight inside her chest. The hole between her breasts stretched and seemed to tear her apart. She didn't even try to prevent the loud whine from escaping her mouth as her back bowed and she gripped the sheets forcefully, hot, frustrated tears falling and rolling along her cheeks. She was an idiot, moving around as if everything was fine, as if <em>she<em> was fine. As if she didn't have a _hole_ in her chest, threatening to swallow her whole from the inside. She hated all of that, hated having to hide here, hated feeling her body shatter at her every move. Hated being _broken_ and helplessly _weak_. Wiping at her cheeks and bracing herself, she took a shaky gulp of air and stood, dragging herself to the small kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee, taking comfort in what she could. Not much more was to be done anyway. She had to settle for small things.

_For now._

She was long gone into her thoughts when the first knock went through the room but as another, stronger one echoed across to her, it finally seemed to reach her because the cup she was holding crashed against the wooden floor, the dark liquid flowing along the lines of the flooring and she whirled sharply toward the door, staring at it as if someone would break through it at any moment and hurried to her bedroom, picking up her backup piece. She pressed her back and the side of her face flat against the wall just next to the window leading outside, right next to the door, as her chest heaved rapidly. Needless to say, she didn't expect what she saw then.

What the- _again!_ What was he even doing here?!

How did he even know where she lived? , Had he kept an eye on her when she had thought he had left the night before? Followed her home? She felt goose bumps creeping along her neck and arms at the thought and she licked her lips keeping her eyes on him, thinking about what she could do. Either she could open the door to show him what a good idea it had been to come here or she could ignore him and hope he would eventually end up leaving her alone. Him being here right at this moment was proof the man wasn't one to give up easily, though. She let her head lay against the wall as she weighed her options. She didn't understand what was up with him. She still remembered how concerned for her he had sounded and she didn't get _why._ Why couldn't he just get back to his business and stay on his side of the wood? He just didn't know what he was about to walk in to. Surely he would leave her alone fast enough once he realised. .

She was going to make sure he did. .

* * *

><p>He thought he could hear some moving happening at the other side of the door but it was nothing really clear, it made him think about rushed steps and he was almost sure he had heard something breaking. . Alright, coming straight to her own home might not have been the best idea but what was he supposed to do? Leave her alone when she clearly needed help?<p>

_You don't know that._

He couldn't help snorting at himself for that. Sure, he didn't know but he had felt it in his guts. Something with her wasn't right. He was good at reading people and observing them; it was what his job was about.

The door burst open and if that alone hadn't been why he had stepped back hastily with a not so manly yelp, the woman before him sure was.

She was standing hard on her feet, a gun pointed at him, her face a neutral mask he couldn't read and looking nothing like she had the night before or just minutes ago hunched over herself on her bed. No hint of weariness or uneasiness was left now, she looked like a soldier ready for battle and, damn, that was _hot_.

Maybe the whole gun thing wasn't a necessity, though.

The look she was giving him was almost lethal, the green of her eyes so dark, cool as marble, that he could feel his body stirring with it, his primal instincts screaming at him to go now before it was too late. Without moving an inch, she finally started talking.

"You shouldn't have come here." He cringed as she spoke, her tone so sharp and raw. He took a better look at her and, even though she looked unwavering, his clever eyes didn't miss the way her chest rose and the slight tremor of her hand around the weapon. She clearly wanted to be in charge here and he would let her be - or let her think she was - since he was obviously not welcome.

"Hey, look. I could explain myself if that's what you want... but, can you please put that thing down?" He tried to make sure he looked relaxed because he was pretty sure she wouldn't shoot him either way and someone needed to stay cool, and that was _not_ going to be her. He wanted to make her feel at ease.

"I don't want any of your explanations, Mr. Castle, since what you're better at is _making stuff up._" She stated just as harshly, one of her brows rising in a perfect arc, challenging him.

That might have stung a little but he wouldn't dare to show it. No need to give her that. But hey, at least she knew who he was. So her problem wasn't that she's scared he was some kind of psychopath. There was that.

"Do I have a fan?" He asked and he knew it sounded entirely too cocky but he wanted to shake her a little bit, get under her skin. Somehow, he sensed only that would be worth trying.

He saw her bite her lip and something wistful, almost sad, flashed over her face but she made quick work of wiping it away, of putting her mask back on.

"Don't make me shoot you," She threw back at him, her jaw set, eyes boring straight through him, snatching his soul out of him but her tone now lighter. Oh, he was so done for.

* * *

><p>"I- You know, I just- I just wanted to make sure you were alright? I mean, you seemed pretty off yesterday and- I was just being thoughtful."<p>

_And I don't need you to be._

She lowered her armed hand to cross her arms around her herself as she kept eyes on him, studying him. _Richard Castle._ She almost wanted to roll her eyes because, what were the odds, really? For everyone on earth, she had to stumble upon _him,_ in empty woods, nonetheless. She had to admit he looked nothing like she had imagined, personality speaking. He did look way better for real than at the back of his books, not that she would tell him so in any way or universe; all man but so very boyish at the same time, the dark, vibrant blue pooling in his irises agitated by so many emotions, smile and laughter lines all around his eyes. That hair flopping above his forehead she longed to smooth away. She always had found him attractive but she was more surprised about his behaviour. He still was a cocky smartass, she had figured that much, but he had something so serious, wise and caring, to him that it made her want to trust him.

_No._

He was still that world famous author, strutting on page six with a different woman wrapped around his arm every week. She noticed she hadn't heard of him in a pretty long time, though. He had killed off his main character and stopped the series, hadn't published anything since then. She missed him - not _him_, she missed his _writing_, not _him_.

_Not the point, Beckett. Time to end it._

"Look, I appreciate the concern. I really do. But it's unnecessary, there is nothing you can do. And that's why I'm asking you to leave," She heard herself say before she had even thought about it but she felt her strength falter and it was only a matter of time before she'd crash again. She couldn't allow herself to do it in front of him. She had already shown him enough of her weakness. "I'm actually getting tired and I need to rest."

She tried to sound random and not as if she was about to fall apart at any moment but she herself could hear the quiver in her voice; she was almost sure he could see the way her legs were slightly creased, not seeming to hold her weight anymore. His face had turned ridiculously serious all of a sudden, his fingers and hands constantly twitching forward and toward her as if he itched to hold her but he stayed motionless, still. She somehow felt sorry for him but it was pointless to hide it, it would only ask for more strength than she had. But, she could retreat with some dignity left.

He was still thinking kindly and she couldn't really punish him for it so she did the only thing she could think of and extended an open hand for him to shake as she offered him a weak lopsided smile. She knew it didn't reach her eyes but hopefully, it would be enough.

* * *

><p>He stared at her hand, heart tumbling in his throat, and raised his eyes back to her when her brows slightly lifted up and the curved of her lips deepened, urging him. He didn't know why he couldn't function, rooted there. She visibly was having a hard time staying upright and still, she kept trying to stand taller and he was speechless, <em>again.<em> He kept seeing her breaking down and then as if nothing happened she gathered herself up and stood tall and proud, head high. Not minutes ago she had stood her ground before him, swinging him away from her high steel fences and now here she was: An open hand to him and a so-very-small smile tugging at her lips.

And if that wasn't one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen.

He swallowed his emotions away and looking straight at her, cold green of her eyes now won over by a soft golden brown, he wrapped his large hand around her small and weak one. He could feel the weight in it, the way her body relied on him and so he strengthened his grip.

Looking down he let his thumb softly trace circles over her cold skin and when his eyes shot back at her, he was met with a hesitant gaze. She trapped her lips between her teeth, looking away toward the lake.

Sensing her discomfort and her attempts at pulling away, he let her take her hand back and cleared his throat, hiding his hands back in his jeans pockets.

"Well, I'll leave you to it then, and uh- yes, just- I'll go now." He babbled pointing behind him and rubbing the back of his neck he turned to walk away but hearing her voice, he halted abruptly himself, angling his body to her, once again.

"By the way, my name's Kate."

Just like that, she gave him yet another smile, wider this time but not really looking at him, her eyes shying away, and then turned back inside the cabin and closed the door right behind her - but not before throwing him one last look.

_Kate._

How was he supposed to go back now?

_twitter : speedofloveSK_


	3. Storm

**Whoops, that took a while. I'm so sorry I think I had the biggest writer block. It had nothing to do with the story or anything, I just couldn't write a word about anything. **

**Luckily, my inspiration came back this week as I tried to write something new! (if you ever want to give it a try, it's : when it's dark enough, you can see stars)**

**The next chapter won't take as long to come, I wrote about half of it already. I'm on a roll. **

**It's a bit short because I cut it, but yeah. I felt like cutting here. **

* * *

><p>She softly traced the line of his face with the pad of her finger, her lower lip firmly trapped between her teeth as she stretched her feet in front of the chimney, the comforting creak of the fire consuming wood never failing to appease her. Propped on the side of the couch, legs spread before her, she lifted her eyes from the book jacket to look outside of the window as imposing and threatening dark clouds drew near and she knew that in a matter of minutes, rain would fall hard and thunder would flare to make the walls shake all night. She surprisingly loved those nights when heat was replaced by a faint chill – just enough to make her want to curl up with a blanket in front of a warm fire- , the silence shattered by sudden blasts and the darkness cleared up by bright flashes of lights. She always tried her best to enjoy it while it lasted because she knew the heat would be back in the morning, stifling. She hadn't been able to enjoy it in the month she had been there, as clouds never came and heat persisted and she had missed it. She remembered the times she came here with her father, contemplating the wildness of the scenery only enhanced by the storm.<p>

She returned her attention to the book laid on her lap and let her lips spread into a closed lipped smile, two fingers coming against it as if trying to contain it, but she felt it in her chest, some kind of energy bubbling and she let her head fall against the back of the couch, hiding her smile. She was being ridiculous but she couldn't help it. She replayed the last time they had talked in her head and she couldn't help huffing a breathless laugh as she remembered his dumbstruck face when she had given him her name before retreating. She never had pictured him that way and it was somehow refreshing, to the point where she almost felt relieved. She knew you couldn't fully trust the media, as they twisted everything their way, but she still had been troubled seeing him differently than how they pictured him. And yet, he seemed an entirely different person. That didn't mean she could let him in – oh, that was out of the question.

She should stop thinking about him because there was no way he would come b-

Her internal rambling stopped dead when she thought she heard movements outside and, sure enough, a loud knock made her jump and sit up, the sudden flash of pain in her chest making her hiss.

Arms tensed, she gripped the fabric of the couch as she eyed the door intently.

"Who is it?" She asked just loud enough to avoid the pull radiating from her still aching scar.

"Kate?" She heard the only voice she thought she wasn't going to hear again and she screwed her eyes shut, angling her face to the ground. "Look, Kate. I know you don't want me here, I get it, but if you could just- I'm already drenched and I'm pretty sure some serious storm is heading over here and fast. I don't want to make you feel like you _have_ to but seriously, it would be gr-,"

"Fine. Get in." Kate said once she had opened the door to a dripping wet Richard Castle. The door closed behind them with a thud and she found herself standing there dumbly, both her hands coming to rub her sides and fumble with the fabric of her sweat.

"Than-"

"I will-"

Their words collided and her eyes snapped to him in surprise as a faint smirk eased its way on his lips, making her head duck.

He shouldn't be here. He definitely shouldn't be here, _smirking _at her.

Raising her head without meeting his gaze, she awkwardly pointed behind her. "I'll go find you a towel, just- Stay here and don't touch anything."

He nodded his head at her absently, too busy inspecting the room.

Meanwhile, Beckett turned her back to him, not without a last look, making sure he wasn't indeed putting his nose where he shouldn't.

_Too late._

* * *

><p>Her place was nice. It looked neat, well organized and he couldn't help himself and just had to walk around, no further than the kitchen, though. There was not much to see, the little cabin wasn't fairly personalized, and you couldn't exactly tell it was hers; it could have been anyone's. That alone made him wonder. She seemed to know the place pretty well, meaning she was used to being here and yet there was nothing personal.<p>

He spun on his feet toward where she had gone, his hands hidden in his pockets when something caught his eyes on the couch. He walked toward it and he picked up the book - one of _his_ books - so she knew him, uh? _Interesting. _His curiosity got the best of him, as usual and he turned the pages until the one he usually signed on and what he saw made his eyebrows furrow.

_To Kate,_

_Don't forget, after a storm comes the calm._

_Such beautiful eyes shouldn't hold so much sadness._

So he had _met_ her bef-

"So here's a towel, I'm sorry that's the last one an-" she halted herself abruptly when she saw him with her book – his book – in his hands, eyes widening, her throat closing up.

_Please, no._

He looked at her with some kind of longing she didn't understand as he eyed her and then the book, one after the other. "You- I- We _met_, before?" he asks incredulously, the intense look he gave her making her squirm.

She cleared her throat as a hand came to rub her forehead. That was _so_ not happening. "I, uh. Yeah," she let out with what she aimed to be a smile but must have got out more like a wince. "It was a long time ago, though."

Castle opened and closed his mouth, dumbfounded. "How- I don't remember," he says, seeming disappointed in himself.

"It was a _long_ time ago," she repeated, a tilt of her head emphasizing each words.

"Still, I would remember you I- I don't think I would forget your face -_your eyes-_," he insisted, still, with a determination she didn't understand either. Geez, what was it with that man?

"Yeah, well, clearly you don't. I was much younger back then and- I wasn't what I am…now," she explained, her eyes suddenly finding something interesting on her feet, "I don't blame you, if that's what you're worried about."

Castle took a few steps toward her, making her startle, and sensing her surprise, he stopped to look at her carefully, _Are you ok ?_

She offered him a faint smile, holding out the towel and the largest hoodie she could find to him and making sure he didn't get too close.

He got rid of his drenched shirt in a moment, shooting a look at _Kate _and wasn't disappointed as he quickly noticed the blush that was creeping up her neck to her cheeks and her eyes dancing around him but landing on his chest from time to time of their own accord. _Adorable_

He wrapped himself in the soft towel and looked around him once more, both of them awkwardly standing without a word.

"Sooo,"

"Sooo,"

Again, their voices collided and they both startled and laughed at one another, and boy did he love the sound of her laugh, he had to make sure to hear it again.

"I'm sorry, I don't have any TV, I usually spend my time here either reading or outside ," she told him with a shrug as she made her way to the small kitchen area, "I can manage to make us some lunch, though. If you're hungry?" she asked opening the fridge to see what she had left, which honestly wasn't much. She would have to run to the closest store, tomorrow.

"Uh-Yeah, of course" he stammered as he finally decided to sit on the couch, as he could still see her from there, "Need some help ?" he asks as he slipped into the NYPD hoodie she had given him, which was way too big for a slim woman like her and he preferred not to think about its owner.

_NYPD_, uh?

Kate shook her head as she took some vegetables out of the fridge and moved to get pasta out of the cupboard above her head, "No, I've got it, you just...sit right where you are," she muttered putting a pot of water to boil. The last thing she needed was him playing house with her; she was already surprised she hadn't kicked him out yet.

He hadn't expected the sharp light that flashed through the whole room and the loud crash above their head as the clouds exploded and rain poured with an impressive strength, but what he certainly hadn't expected, was the scream of agony the woman in the kitchen let out and he jumped to his feet.

"Castle, _get down_!" he heard her yell as she crouched to the ground and crawled backward until her back hit the wall.


	4. The one who wouldn't leave

_**The one who wouldn't leave **_

Get _down_?!

He frowned at her as he rushed to her and squatted in front of her, his eyes scanning her from head to toe, eyes widening in concern when they landed on her bloody hand, "Kate, your hand!"

"Shhhh, Castle. Please, don't make a sound," she whispered with frantic eyes, drops of sweat coating her forehead and sticking her hair against it, "They'll find us. You need to stay quiet," she added looking at him sternly just before stretching her neck to observe the room.

What the _Hell?!_

"Alright, okay. If you want to freak me out, you've succeeded," he nervously laughed, "I've learnt my lesson, I won't bother you again, promise," he added, taking her in, and he wasn't so sure she was acting anymore, the way her whole body shook, the tremor in her voice when she talked, that wild look in her eyes. Something was wrong.

"You think this is a game?" he heard her hiss and she forcefully pushed him away with two hands flat against his chest, making him tumble back.

"Woah, okay, look-"

Another loud roll of thunder crashed in the air and her entire frame jumped as she raised her knees against her chest and hid her head in them, shoulders hunching around her ears.

"Make it stop," she whimpered.

He didn't know what to do or what was going on but he needed to act and quick. The blood was leaking out of her wound faster now and he couldn't have any more of this.

"Okay, Kate? Listen to me," he started but she didn't make any sign of acknowledgement whatsoever, "You're totally safe, I promise you. This is just a storm and it's already fading away," another rumble of thunder, quieter this time cut him as if proving his point but still, her body shivered. He reached out slowly, laying a careful hand on her shoulder, hoping to soothe her, somehow.

"You need to go," he heard, her voice muffled and he could feel her tense under his hand.

"Yeah, see? I don't think that's happening," he humorlessly laughed, " But here's what will happen, first we are going to take care of your hand, and you're going to sit on the couch while I finish lunch and then, you're going to tell me what the fuck just happened."

Shrugging his hand off, Kate raised her head, he eyes shooting him a cold and stern look as she rushed to her feet, "Who do you think you are?" she snapped as he stood in front of her defiantly, his look a copy of her own and his body tense, muscles of his arms and chest straining under the fabric of his shirt.

"Someone who is trying to help, ever since that night on the lake," his voice is rough, accusatory even but she doesn't look impressed in the least.

"It's none of your business, I didn't ask for your_ help_."

* * *

><p>Watching her intently, he nodded as he passed by her and headed to her bathroom leaving her staring at the wall. He opened the medicine cabinet above the sink and scanned with his eyes through the items, settling on some gauze, thick adhesive tape and antiseptics. When he returned to the kitchen she had turned to face him, her arms crossed against her chest and her eyes furious, that, under different circumstances would have make him run, but nonetheless, he didn't ask for her permission when he took one of her arms and stretched it out as he put down what he had brought down on the counter next to them. She stared at him, her jaw screwed shut but didn't take back her arm when he softly cleaned her wound making her stifle a hiss as he mumbled an apology.<p>

"You don't have to tell me," he said as he covered her wound with a thick piece of gauze, his eyes looking up from her hand, gauging her.

Jaw working, she met his serious eyes, the deep blue of them pulling her in so strongly she struggled to tear her gaze away, "No, I don't."

Fixing the gauze to her palm with adhesive tapes, his fingers smoothly stroked the last strips to her skin repeatedly, the movement slow as their eyes locked and the air turned heavy and thick.

She finally was the one to tug her hand away from his and walk away toward the couch, sitting cross-legged as she watched him check lunch wasn't ruined and took over, cutting what was left of vegetables, pulling the boiling pastas away from the fire, putting a can of tomato sauce to warm instead and finally taking care of the vegetables. Neither of them talked, each one simply getting lost in their own thoughts.

It shouldn't have happened. That was exactly _why _she had refused to let him get any closer to her in the first place. The attacks had started right after she had left the hospital, every noise, every look, every movement had made her startle and panic, or worse until she had cloistered herself in her apartment, had closed shut every windows and had sat, her back to the front door, listening to every single noise she could hear outside. She had lost sleep, got drunk each time an attack surged to make the illusion go away, she had accidently hurt herself more than once to the point she actually had believed she had become paranoid. She couldn't get out because she felt as if she was a constant target, she had shut out everyone else fearing she would get them killed until one night, her father had called making sure she wasn't _dead_, his voice would always quiver as he pleaded her to let someone -anyone- in, to let someone help her. She had refused to listen to him and had decided to retreat somewhere she was sure she would be alone asking him not to come. She raised her head to look at the man managing his way in the kitchen and then back at her gauze-covered hand, apparently she had been wrong. She knew Castle meant well but nothing good would come out of it, he would get attached, hell, she would get attached and she just couldn't let that happen. She couldn't allow him to be anything to her, that would put him in danger, if not the both of them. She didn't need distraction and she'd seen how he looked at her; the interest shining in his eyes, his constant concern for her, she didn't get _why _and yet, she was inexplicably drawn to him. She easily found solace in the deep blue of his irises, her skin came to life and tingled every time he would touch her, her chest seemed tighter and the air heavier every time he would come too close, her heart hammering every time he laid his eyes on her. It shouldn't be that way, she knew nothing of the man and she was scared that if he kept showing up she wouldn't be able to keep her walls up. She had for so long, either only seeking physical release as a way to forget and just feel in the earlier years after her mother's death or hiding in relationship with men she didn't truly love. She had almost never allowed herself to think of a forever with any of them and the only time she had, she had been let down. A few years ago, she would have easily been able to shut him out but now, she didn't have any fight left in her and her defenses were crashing down. He had to stay away because if he didn't, she wasn't sure she'd be able to save him from herself.

Seeing him coming over her with two plates in his hands, she lowered her head hoping he hadn't caught her red-handed, creepily staring at him. He slowly sat next to her, handing her one plate as he got comfortable with his own, keeping his focus elsewhere than on her, giving her space. She muttered her thanks, picking up her fork to twirl it in her stark red pastas. She felt him gaze at her in the corner of her eyes without any doubt staring at her fork she had been twirling for at least two good minutes. She let out a sigh, her teeth nagging at her lip.

"I work with the NYPD," she said finally, deciding to give him something, "Homicide. Long story short, it was a really bad day, something came up and my Captain was shot," her voice broke when a lump moved up her throat, her eyes veiled by stubborn tears as he set his plate on the coffee table, took hers to do the same and sat slightly closer to her, his whole body facing her. He didn't say anything, he just watched her carefully with a deep crease in between his eyes. "I-uh. I was giving a speech in his honor and next thing I know, I'm falling to the ground, people are screaming and so- so much noise," she frowned at her own memory trying to keep the tears from dropping as a hand came unconsciously to her chest, hovering over the still healing scar.

* * *

><p>"Kate," his voice made her turn her head to him, a single, lone tear falling out of each eye, drawing two wet paths from her cheekbone to her neck. It broke his heart to see how hard she tried for him, he could see her inner battle, the emotions swirling in her now deep green eyes and it took him everything not to pull her into him, protecting her from her own memories.<p>

"Ever since I got shot, my mind gets overactive. There is nowhere I feel safe and I'm constantly expecting them to find me," she blinked back some tears, her eyes settling on her legs, "That's what happened today, and that night on the lake." Taking a deep breath, she drew her eyes back to him, swallowing around her tight throat, "This is my fight. I need to get out of it on my own," he opened his mouth to protest, the crease between his eyes deepening but she didn't let him, " Those people, they're dangerous, it's bigger than you think and I don't want you to be part of this in any kind of way, hear me ?" He shook his head, dismissing everything that she was saying and froze as soon as her hand came to close around one of his as she slumped forward, her eyes pleading and praying him to understand, "You need to let this go. I'm not good news; you have to believe me, _please_."

What did she mean, let this go? Let _her_ go? There was no way he could. Ever since that first night he had fell upon her, he had become obsessed about getting to know her. He couldn't help it, he felt drawn, pulled. Sure, she was gorgeous but it wasn't what had first made him come back. He had wanted to know her story, why had she been so scared when he had approached her, why she had kept telling him to leave her alone even when she knew who he was. Even though she had just explained to him what happened, he wasn't convinced that was all it had been, something was missing. Why did she think they would come back? Why had she been shot at a funeral? Why was she even a Detective? He couldn't make sense of anything, some piece was missing. Once thing he did know, he wouldn't leave her alone. She was telling him to and yet, everything else told him _not_ to. She needed a shoulder to lean onto, she needed a friend, and he needed to unfold the mystery that she was, no matter what she thought, he couldn't just leave now.

He considered her, stared at her hand squeezing so tightly her knuckles had turned white, her desperation to make him back off only reinforcing what he already knew, "I was part of this the moment I laid my eyes on you" he said resolutely, making his point as he tried to maintain her eyes to him, "Whatever what _this_ it, I'm in," he saw her ducking her head, hair falling down around her face as she took her hand back and slid backwards on the couch, the farthest from him she could.

"Why are you doing _this?_" he swallowed hard at her muffled voice, she looked so small, he couldn't make _sense_ of her, but he would. "You have a daughter!" she more or less shouted her voice cracking as she raised her head, tears running free and _fuck_.

What his daughter had to do with any of this at all, he had no idea but he slowly nodded nonetheless, "And because I have a daughter, I know if she was to be in your situation, I would want her to have someone."

She didn't respond.

**Thanks to Pauline for checking my chapter and HUGE THANKS to Nadia who made me that stunning cover!**

**Thanks to those who take time to let me know what they think, I'd love to hear more! **

_twitter: speedofloveSK_


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